house of boxes

in the words of...

some of the lyrics may be out of cord, they were copied from a site chosen at random...


REM - Disappear

I dragged my feet across a seat
Jumped out the passenger side
The only thing worth looking for
Is what you find inside

But that had not yet appeared
Lost invisible here.

Tel Aviv and Agadir
Tone deaf for all the rest

Before I learned to see
The vanishing point appeared.

I looked for you everywhere
I looked for you everywhere.

There is a calm I haven't come to yet
I spent half my life figuring what comes next
I telescoped in I finally win
I finally win the prize

That now eyes see comets perfect timing squeeze
Head first fighting everything
The crushing force of memory
Erasing all I've been
The vanishing point appeared.

I looked for you everywhere.
I looked for you everywhere.
Tell me why you're here.
I came to disappear.

Look at this face
Can you believe it?
Am I living in the beautiful vacuum?
Because I can't see it
The vanishing point appears.

I looked for you everywhere.
I looked for you everywhere.
Tell me why you're here.
I came to disappear.
Tell me why you're here.
I came to disappear.
I came to disappear.

da:holy:dayz

we are all complicated.

sometimes we laugh to avoid tears.

sometimes we act to avoid reacting.

sometimes all we need is a mental holiday.

spin

workin' in a gay bar....

Many moments happen that require some comment, these are a few of them:

#34
me (walking up to my table):
"Hello! Can I get you something to drink?"
female customer (sitting alone)
"uh...., I'm sorry, I'm strait"
me:
"me too, I'm your waitress."

#47
what kind of person wears striped sox with Birkenstocks and then empties thier ashtray in the plant beside them???

#55
getting my hair cut and colored and being noticed by every boy that "something is different". then, them each proceding to not just look at my hair, but smooth it down at the roots to check the new highlight job....

creating a moment

The event. The delicious event. Was it a success or a failure? Good or Bad?
Both.
Let me explain. No, no, let me sum up.....
The good?
It was a success in everyone who attended was happy. They learned new things about 3 varietals, they watched as the servers changed from one hot dress to the next, they laughed, they looked at the art of 8 local artists and gave positive feedback to all the elements. The magician's only minor challenge was the presence of children holding his humourus tounge. Two of the artists sold a piece and were delighted and the chef and the massage people got contacts for new clients. The music pumping from the DJ set the tone of being the-without-a-doubt-place-to-be. Overall, the night was fun, new, diffferent, and definatly an experience that needs to happen more for San Diego.

The bad?
The huge challenge was narrowed down to 3 main elements.
1. The gaslamp on a Saturday night leaves nothing to be desired in the arena of parking. Many circled for nearly an hour trying to find a spot to leave their cars. Some (even me and the photographer) chose the valet and parted with $20- for thier service.
2. Location, location, location. Harbor Drive runs along the convention center and jets up along the gaslamp. Apparently, the numbers do some crazy meandoring around the venue we held delicious at. So, many got lost and either chose to not battle the parking or arrived fairly late.
3. The owner of the San Diego Wine and Culinary Center is anything but helpful. The 1st two issues were accnoliged by him only after the evening--thanks buddy! He battled us from set up to close down on simple things and was complained about by our guests on account of his demeanor (not nice).

We'd hoped to break even financially and wound up in the hole by a significant amount. That fact sucks, but isn't the end of the world, nor will it keep me from pushing on and having more, more, more events. Lindsay and I worked super well together and I for one had a fabulous time from conception to the bottle of wine we shared well after it was all said and done.

My favorite part of the whole thing?
May sound odd, but I can't get the scene we created out of my head. There was a moment well after the show that it hit me as a Tarentino film. Lindsay and I sitting at her home bar overlooking 4th avenue sipping a fine red vino counting cash from 2 boxes discussing the ups/downs/frustrations/triumphs of the night. The "next time we're gonna......" moments only interrupted by a sip or a re-count.
That was my favorite.
Creating. Creating that moment to live........

the countdown

meeting. promoting. mySpacing. emailing. list making. stressing.........

I can't help myself going between the two prominent extremes of event planning:
1. No one will show up
2. Everyone will show up

Ofcourse #2 is the crowd favorite here......
We've planned everything down to the inth. We have a full staff, even security! 25 people are lined up and ready to rock the Delicious show! We have no reason to worry, we've planned it out and it's going to be sUper!

The DJ's will be spinning, the waitresses will be done up in Sophi's fashion designs, 10 artists will be hanging around the entire event, the food pairs perfect with the 3 wines, the door girls will be supplied with an arsenal of information for guests, the 2 bars in the building will be deep with wine drinkers, and the moment I look around and see all our guests laughing and having a good time, that is when I will get that electric feeling I do these events for.

so....tonight

so tonight..
8 hours at 80 to find another home
the last home
an evening with scott talking about love, life...differences
how do they get better
how do we get better
stopped in at shakers to find sean in as always
dealing with the bar
dealing with a new house
finding back pain relief in a familiar arena
the last home
it was what i went looking for
i found the same people
with different faces
with different pasts
with different paths
with the same energy
the get-it-got-it-crew
so tonight
turned into today
turned into yesterday
morphed into everyday

so tonight..
i lay in a familar bed
with new decor
with friends
with family
guided by other views
with narrowed day-to-day-views

attempt to let go

i loved you with every bit of me.
i felt it run through me like waves of heat.
excitement at your touch.
pleasure with a glance.
satisfaction with a smile.
content with laughter.
i loved you like i could never imagine.
i wanted everything for you--for us.
i fell in love with you.
with your family.
with your sense of security.
with the knowing that what lay beneath was a boy who needed someone just like me.
a girl who likes to make people happy, who's best day is the one that involved a belly laugh and a new bond.
i loved you like i hoped you would desire.
i loved you the way i know how.
i pushed for responses.
i shared my deepest fears.
i let you in.
i wanted to be the top of everything you could need.
i let you get to me.
i let you shut down.
i let you be the gauge for my decisions and my emotions.
i loved you so much i couldn't keep my arms from hugging you.
my lips from kissing you.
all of me desiring you.
i loved you enough to believe with my being that we could save each other.
i believed we could take our differences and change ourselves with the sheer love of one another.
i believed i could make you happy.
that i could be that thing that you have been searching for.
that piece.
i loved you so much i don't ever want to again.
i loved you enough to believe it.
to believe we could be all those things i've given up on.
to believe i could have a long life with a partner who knew me and i him.
to believe i was the most important thing in the world.
to believe i was loved.
truly loved.
my love always wanted you to know love.
to know you had the power to make me believe.
to know you are amazing.
to know you.

my love continues to embrace all that is you.
all that makes you smile.
all that makes you think.
all that makes you sad.
that love will always be yours.

following my smile....

I've been signing cards, emails and anything else with the phrase "Follow your Smile" latley. It seems like a good thing to ask someone to do and I've been doing it myself. I've realized something and that is that I really like people and talking to them, getting them together and seeing them smile -- even better hearing them laugh!
This weekend was the first solo show I did. The art was amazing, the turn out spectacular. Food was provided by Baja Bettys, fab vino from Wine Steals and deserts to die for from Vejas Casino. Two acoustic guitars welcomed guests to the 3 room venue. Michael Saltsman is an amzaing artist and he has quite the following. The day began setting up the make-shift bar and outdoor patio area. The ocean being only a matter of blocks away helped create a relaxing breeze and free scent the entire day. Everyone has a different idea of success and I think we hit em all! Paintings sold.....7 paintings and 1 sculpture to be exact! :) The mood was high and filled with conversation, laughter and much praise for all the art.
Whoooo HOooooo!~
Next show here I come! It's looking like November and December will be another multiple artist show. In between, I am hoping to be able to pull off the fashion show's art for December!

folowing my smile :)

rain at the window

this may be odd.
this may be a surprise.
it may be due to the lights strung on houses.
it could have something to do with the rain at my window.
i'm left with the idea of.
i'm relishing the idea of.
whow told you it's gotta be?
i was told by a somebody.
a somebody that is now the me to share.
this may be odd.
more than an imaginary lesson.
one request i offered.
one i received.
ask for what you want...
and walk with it's reflection.
this may be a surprise.
this may be odd.
who gave paths to.
it has never been it.
on a reflection walk it is.
it is odd.
it is the fickle.
it is the reflect.
it could be the moment.
it could be the image received.
it is the walk.
this may be odd.
this may be odd.

moresuper. the logo. the all encompasing art show::promotions::good time::exposure::

da:blog

after wandering through old journals and written entries of all imaginables, I've decided to expose those past thoughts and new ones. this is my start.....