the countdown

meeting. promoting. mySpacing. emailing. list making. stressing.........

I can't help myself going between the two prominent extremes of event planning:
1. No one will show up
2. Everyone will show up

Ofcourse #2 is the crowd favorite here......
We've planned everything down to the inth. We have a full staff, even security! 25 people are lined up and ready to rock the Delicious show! We have no reason to worry, we've planned it out and it's going to be sUper!

The DJ's will be spinning, the waitresses will be done up in Sophi's fashion designs, 10 artists will be hanging around the entire event, the food pairs perfect with the 3 wines, the door girls will be supplied with an arsenal of information for guests, the 2 bars in the building will be deep with wine drinkers, and the moment I look around and see all our guests laughing and having a good time, that is when I will get that electric feeling I do these events for.

so....tonight

so tonight..
8 hours at 80 to find another home
the last home
an evening with scott talking about love, life...differences
how do they get better
how do we get better
stopped in at shakers to find sean in as always
dealing with the bar
dealing with a new house
finding back pain relief in a familiar arena
the last home
it was what i went looking for
i found the same people
with different faces
with different pasts
with different paths
with the same energy
the get-it-got-it-crew
so tonight
turned into today
turned into yesterday
morphed into everyday

so tonight..
i lay in a familar bed
with new decor
with friends
with family
guided by other views
with narrowed day-to-day-views

attempt to let go

i loved you with every bit of me.
i felt it run through me like waves of heat.
excitement at your touch.
pleasure with a glance.
satisfaction with a smile.
content with laughter.
i loved you like i could never imagine.
i wanted everything for you--for us.
i fell in love with you.
with your family.
with your sense of security.
with the knowing that what lay beneath was a boy who needed someone just like me.
a girl who likes to make people happy, who's best day is the one that involved a belly laugh and a new bond.
i loved you like i hoped you would desire.
i loved you the way i know how.
i pushed for responses.
i shared my deepest fears.
i let you in.
i wanted to be the top of everything you could need.
i let you get to me.
i let you shut down.
i let you be the gauge for my decisions and my emotions.
i loved you so much i couldn't keep my arms from hugging you.
my lips from kissing you.
all of me desiring you.
i loved you enough to believe with my being that we could save each other.
i believed we could take our differences and change ourselves with the sheer love of one another.
i believed i could make you happy.
that i could be that thing that you have been searching for.
that piece.
i loved you so much i don't ever want to again.
i loved you enough to believe it.
to believe we could be all those things i've given up on.
to believe i could have a long life with a partner who knew me and i him.
to believe i was the most important thing in the world.
to believe i was loved.
truly loved.
my love always wanted you to know love.
to know you had the power to make me believe.
to know you are amazing.
to know you.

my love continues to embrace all that is you.
all that makes you smile.
all that makes you think.
all that makes you sad.
that love will always be yours.